FATHER: Half of life is learning to meet people.
BOY: What’s the other half, dad?
That exchange comes from an old Broadway play called “The Dining Room,” by A. R. Gurney, Jr. It’s a comedy, a series of unrelated scenes, but all set in a dining room. The room itself is meant to symbolize the importance of where we are situated, and how that context dictates expectations in how we behave.
The play suggests that the traditional dining room is a place of semi-automatic restraint and composure, a forced situation many people equate with some of the first rules of childhood, described by parents as good manners. You know the kind: sit up straight, stop fooling around, say please and thank you, and ask if you may be excused. Oh, and let’s try to have a decent conversation around the dining room table!
This may seem quaint in today’s world where many families opt to have all their meals standing at the kitchen island, or flaked out in the living room where every nose is bent to cell phone screens, and where decent conversation consists of, “Did you see that video…!?” I can’t help thinking the families stuck in cell phoneville are missing out on an important life skill. Of course, they might be inclined to argue…”This is now the way of the world…We live in a digital age…Chill!” Of course they think their way is better.
But is it?
Meeting and conversing with people, or, “schmoozing” as it’s sometimes called, is as old as the hills, but it can still feel as daunting a task as climbing a mountain. One reason so many people dread schmoozing is the idea of being forced to hang out with people who are, more often than not, complete strangers. And every time, you must be civil. You must be gregarious. You must include everyone in the conversation. You must be up on current world news, sports, and culture. You must not go on a political rant. If the talk turns to a business opportunity don’t sound desperate. And if you tell a joke, you’d better know how it ends, and oh, double-check that it offends no-one in the entire world — before you even tell it! Speak up, speak clearly, don’t monopolize the conversation, pay attention, and remember to mingle.
I’m reminded of a very good, but shy, novelist who was asked to read aloud at a house party. The hostess thought she might have to move some furniture around and asked: “Do you need a podium to face these people?” “No,” the author replied, “I need a drink to face these people!”
Indeed, some do! Now, it’s not my place to lecture you on drinking habits but let us assume that if you’re so inclined, that you drink responsibly when schmoozing.
The good news is you really don’t need an alcoholic beverage or any other mood-altering substance to do a successful job of schmoozing. All you need is some simple preparations, plus a bit of practiced looseness will do the trick. Here are some tips for schmoozing that won’t make you look like a schmuck.
The first is for those of you who fear appearing fake…
The second is for those of you who consider schmoozing a ten-letter word for hell…
Finally, may I recommend this classic on the art on the schmooze…
When it comes to schmoozing ability, I’d say this much is true: for sales people a good chunk of our success is about how comfortable we are meeting new people. In my personal life, I’ve made a lot of friends in a lot of different situations. Through the schmoozing phase I’ve actually discovered unexpected shared interests or values that evolved into relationships that I still cherish today. But those relationships would never have developed without the schmoozing phase. Remember it takes time to discover meaningful connections — I went for it, and I’m glad I did.
When schmoozing duty calls, I don’t always get to pick and choose whom I speak to, but thanks to lots of practice, I’m ready for anyone who comes my way.
Oh, and here’s my favourite tip for an easy out, or “gotta mingle now,”…tell someone they look great, while backing away from them.
It’s never failed me yet.
Now…may I be excused? Thank you. You look great, by the way. We must do this again!