Hey, how were your holidays? Me, I was so relaxed I did something I never do: I grew a beard.
Now, I don’t have anything against facial hair. Please understand, it’s just something I don’t normally do. The reviews from fam, friends and colleagues were all favourable, so that was nice. If I had a dollar for everyone who said, “Anders! That beard makes you look distinguished!” What is it about beards and the automatic use of the word “distinguished”? What I did not expect was someone pointing out to me that facial hair influences customers’ level of trust!
“…customers considered men with beards to have greater expertise and therefore were more trustworthy than those with any other facial hair style.” Source – Study: People Trust Salespeople With Beards More Than Those With Other Styles
Hmm…well, face it. We make judgment calls all the time about people’s appearances! I’d wager that most of the time we’re completely oblivious to the factors that influence our first impressions of people. So let’s dig in a little and consider how appearance standards have changed.
In recent years, in the western world at least, we’ve become much more inclusive and accepting of diverse appearances. We’re a lot more relaxed and less judgemental in our attitudes towards, for instance, tattoos and piercings and spiky hairstyles. In the olden days — I sound like a fossil don’t I? — these put you directly in the category of “a punk rocker” and not to be taken seriously. But in the last thirty-odd years this “look” has been almost completely absorbed by the mainstream. Tattoos, piercings and brilliantly dyed hair… it all barely warrants a comment these days.
Notice I said almost. In the business of engagement, you HAVE to make a good first impression, there’s just no way around it. At the same time, I urge you to be yourself. What I’m getting at is that you should strive to be the best version of yourself. Yes, individual expression is respected, but so is your appearance if you expect to quickly win someone’s trust and move forward. Making a successful engagement has a lot to do with those precious first few minutes, even seconds, when you make the initial contact.
Being the best version of yourself means, in part, being truthful to yourself. People can sense fake, and being a fake version of yourself is exhausting. Instead of presenting what you think that other person wants or expects, dig deeper and find the you that wants to show up. Being comfortable and confident in your own skin translates. People will sense your authenticity, you being genuinely you.
We’ve all heard of someone in business, or in life, who felt they had to change themselves in order to appeal to someone else. Okay, you can do that for a while, but how successful were they at pretending in the long run? Still in business? Still together? Good luck, right? As the old song goes “Sooner or later you wake up with yourself.”
Here are two tips for being the best you:
- Respect yourself – this means taking the time to care for yourself so your best “you” can show up. Shower and feel clean and fresh, wear clothing that makes you feel confident and ready to engage. Clear your mind (meditate or take cleansing breaths) and be in the moment, show up 100% ready to receive and accept and engage with whatever the next person brings to you.
- Experiment with your self-expression – if you feel confident in who you are, be courageous to try different ways of presenting yourself and see if you notice how you feel when you dress differently than you have in the past. Clothing, jewelry and accessories can change how you feel. If you haven’t found your personal style and expression, keep trying new things until you feel your external presentations complement and enhance your genuine inner confident self.
Young, old, male, female, middle-aged, senior, liberal, conservative, bearded, clean-shaven, spikey-haired, ringed, tattooed, whatever you are, however you look, the best you…is the most engaging you.
For more on keeping up appearances, might I suggest this fine book by Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Executive Presence. The author says it’s not so much how you look, but what you do with it that counts. More to put in your engagement toolkit!
